When I was born, I was face up. The doctor that delivered me presented me with the nickname "Stargazer" because I was born looking at the stars. My parent's family and friends brought stargazer Lillies to the hospital, and as I grew up, those became my favorite flower.
I have always had my sights set high in this world. I was born with an intrinsic need to be perfect, and another need to always be pursing new endeavors- I hate being bored. During primary and secondary school, I was a part of every club, always on the Honor Roll, always the teacher's pet... I think you get the picture. I grew up in a Christian household with parents that took me to Church every Sunday and Wednesday. It would seem like, as a child, I had everything going for me.
I have known since I was 8 years old that I wanted to become a surgeon, and I also have known that I wanted to dedicate my life to Christ. I publicly proclaimed my faith when I was eight years old by being baptized by my father at my church that I had attended since birth. I think some part of me thought that this was the appropriate next step in my "perfect" life. Over the last ten years, my life has been far from perfect, but I have never stopped reaching for the stars and trying to achieve this preconceived notion of perfection in my head.
Time and time again God has had to remind me- sometimes not so gently- that He does not ask for, nor does He require perfection from his children. He tells us in Ephesians, through the apostle Paul, that
"it is by grace you have been saved, through faith -- and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God -- not by works, so that no one can boost. For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. " Ephesians 2:8-10
I cling to this verse when I feel like I'm not doing well enough or when a door is closed. Sometimes the stars, our dreams, feel so far away, and I often feel like I don't have the ability to get every where I want to go. During my first semester at college, I have tried to remind myself of this. When I get a bad grade, when I fail an audition, when I lash out at the people I care about just because I'm tired or overwhelmed, I remind myself that as long as I am following His plan, as long as I am being a light and showing His love, I am doing everything I have to do, and He will take me to the stars on His own timing and in His own way.