uncertainty

Uncertainty. That has to be one of my least favorite words in the entire English language. The definition of uncertainty - bringing out the good, old Webster's Dictionary on this one - is "not known or definite; not completely confident or sure of something". There is a really terrifying thing about being uncertain. I hate not knowing how I did on a test, not knowing if someone likes me, not knowing if I was accepted into that thing I applied for. It's terrifying. It keeps me up at night. I become completely encompassed with worry and self doubt and fear over what is going to happen with things that are out of my control.

The spring semester is now in full swing, and my life is full of uncertainty. I have multiple tests a week, sometimes multiple a day. I have new positions in the organizations I am a part of and the fear of being just "okay" at my job keeps me running 100 miles/hour. I am working two jobs, trying to maintain a romantic relationship, and trying to continue meeting new people and connecting with them. I am really struggling this semester with keeping myself motivated and on task. I find myself procrastinating and letting things sneak up on me. My To-Do list is always a mile long, and every time I cross something off, four more items seem to have been added to the list.

I feel like this sort of thing, constant movement, constant worry, constant "I don't have time for anything other than the 200 things I'm already doing" is a state that a lot of us get stuck in too often. I got to go to church last Sunday for the first time in almost a month, and let me just say, I have not felt that calm in a while. That peace is something that we can only get from God, and, I promise, He is the only thing keeping me put together right now. There is some really great scripture in the Bible about anxiety and being uncertain, but right now I'm clinging to a cliche: Philippians 4:6-7. The Message translation says:

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life"

This translation just hit me right in the heart when I read it this evening. When God is at the center, there is no place for worry and uncertainty because He is leading my path. He will lead your path too, if you'll let him. Let's take those uncertainties and worries and give them to God this week.

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